Open Heart, Firm Spine

Yesterday I had an experience of being in a space where there was an outpouring of toxicity.  It was a bit of a shock as I’m less used to being in those kind of spaces these days.  I felt vulnerable and it was tough to stay open and not meet the toxicity with more of the same.

We try and work in an open and collaborative way with anyone who wants to work openly and collaboratively. Obviously we’ll have our blind spots.

At the same time we seek to protect the spaces from toxicity. That can be a toughie, especially when the toxicity has been caused by harmful systems of oppression. Keeping the balance of remaining open and knowing when to close and hold firm boundaries is a balancing act. Open heart with a strong spine. It’s often the case that when you close a boundary to toxic behaviour that it attacks you or organises against the more open and collaborative space. It’s sad to see and experience, especially when beyond the need for power you can see the unmet need searching for ways to fill the void and feel worthy and enough. Closing a boundary isn’t the end, it’s often a fresher more open and honest start. It’s really heart breaking work – open and close, open and close.

Made me think of Lead By Mary Oliver. It can be so tough to stay open.  To not take the behaviour personally and to start over again and again.

Here is a story
to break your heart.
Are you willing?
This winter
the loons came to our harbor
and died, one by one,
of nothing we could see.
A friend told me
of one on the shore
that lifted its head and opened
the elegant beak and cried out
in the long, sweet savoring of its life
which, if you have heard it,
you know is a sacred thing.,
and for which, if you have not heard it,
you had better hurry to where
they still sing.
And, believe me, tell no one
just where that is.
The next morning
this loon, speckled
and iridescent and with a plan
to fly home
to some hidden lake,
was dead on the shore.
I tell you this
to break your heart,
by which I mean only
that it break open and never close again
to the rest of the world.